Wednesday 26 February 2014

How to make a long distance relationship work.

So as most of you know, my boyfriend is at uni a million miles away (more like 4 hours away, but still) and obviously it is difficult to keep the relationship alive. A lot of people will have to make the decision on whether to keep a relationship going while going to University or moving away or even if you've met but live far away from each other. So I'm going to write down the way David and I do things, these are all just things we both find helps and some may work for you, some may not, it is down to personal relationships.

Firstly, you both need to figure out what you want from the relationship. Me and Dave sat down and spoke and said we wanted to try to facetime/skype everyday where possible, and we wanted to see each other at least every 3 weeks. Try to make these as realistic as possible, me and Dave don't facetime everyday because it is hard to fit it around his lectures and my work, but we do text and try to have a phone call before bed every night, and facetime every few days.

Secondly, we enjoy doing things together. I recently got an xbox so we can play online together, and I also bought netflix so we can watch films at the same time and talk about them. It's just the little things that matter. We only see each other for 2-3 days every 3-4 weeks so it is really important to find the time for each other. All relationships are different, you may see each other every week or every 6 months, but it is always necessary to find time for each other when you are apart. I always find it really nice looking outside at the moon and knowing he can see it too (so cheesy) but it is a really nice feeling that something that is at my window is also at his. Also it can help to give the other person something of yours with personal meaning behind it, Dave gave me his cookie monster plush and I gave him my bunny teddy, both mean a lot to us for personal reasons and have a personal joke behind them.

Thirdly, I like to keep myself busy, one of the reasons I've started using my blog a lot more. I also found two new jobs that keep me very busy, as well as trying to catch up with friends and family when I can. It is going to be a lot hardly if you sit and mope around all on your own, go and do something to take your mind off it.

Fourthly, try not to control your partner. I know it can be really really hard when they are out having fun and you are sat at home worrying and having no clue what they are doing, but why aren't you out having fun or doing something other than worrying? You are most likely both old enough to be out in clubs or just doing something and most people can look after themselves. I personally know Dave doesn't go over his limit and (minus the night of the bush - long story) he will always make it home safely, and even when I am asleep, he will always text me to let me know he is home safely so I don't worry when he is being super lazy the next day.

Fifthly, TRUST. I know people say this all the time, but there is no point in being in a relationship, especially a long distance one if you do not have trust. I will all end badly. If they have done something to make you not trust them, then why are you with them if they hurt you? And if they haven't, then you have no reason not to trust them. One thing I found hard was knowing I had been hurt in the past and being scared of it again, but you need to remember that your current relationship and partner aren't the same as the ones in your past, and you need to treat a new relationship like exactly what it is, new and the future, not the past.

Sixthly, talk about your future and your goals. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Will you still be far away from each other or will one move closer to the other? What kind of job do you want? etc, talking about this kind of thing with your partner just proves that you are still expecting to be in the relationship in 5+ years. You need to remember to support each other as well, on whatever it is they want to do.

Lastly, remember to always treasure the time you have together. Whether you want to go out and do as much as you can, or spend the whole weekend curled up on the sofa watching crap TV, do something you both want to do. Try not to argue over silly things like the washing up or who left the light on upstairs, remember that they will probably be leaving in a few days and then they will be gone for a while again.

Thank you guys for reading this post, if you have anything to add or any questions to ask me then feel free!
Always remember to stay positive in any situation, it will always help.


Byeeeeeeee.

Come over and find me.

Twitter : @bexrenshaw
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