Monday 11 March 2019

My Birth Story

Hi pals, welcome back. I'm here to share my birth story with you guys, wow, only 543 days late, look at me being a productive blogger...!

I'm actually here with a positive birth story, actually a positive Caesarean Section story. I feel like it is so so rare to come across a positive story about a C Section. When I was putting together my birth plan and talking through my options I only knew one thing, I DID NOT want a C Section. I didn't want surgery and I was terrified of having to go through that. That is until Sammy decided he wanted to stay upside down in frank breech. They offered to turn him but he was massive, off the charts actually and I am pretty small, so the chances of him turning were pretty slim. So we did some (A LOT, SO MUCH) research and decided to go for a planned C Section.

Before the actual day, I had a pre-op assessment the week before and we got given a date and told to turn up at 7 am then we would be taken into surgery at some point on the day. That morning I was excited, too excited to think about what was actually about to happen. I put my make up on and vlogged. It wasn't until my surgeon came to say hi and explain what would happen that the nerves started kicking in. We waited for around 4 hours overall before going in, we were third on the day so didn't have too much waiting around time. We were given our own room after an hour-ish so just sat, chatted, read magazines, played on the switch and just had our last few hours just the two of us.

When they came to take me to surgery, I remember starting to really panic. I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS. COULD I NOW SAY NO? HOW LONG CAN A BABY LIVE IN ME BEFORE THEY HAVE TO COME OUT? HOW FAST CAN A PREGNANT WOMAN RUN OUT OF A HOSPITAL? You know, all completely logically questions. I was taken down to surgery, we waited in a waiting room for a few minutes while Ben got changed into scrubs (adorable, wish I had gotten a picture) and then we were called in. I sat on the bed ready for the worst injection EVER. I was given a pillow to squeeze while they did it and I remember just crying because it was all just so much. It was so bright, I was IN SURGERY about to have so much of my insides cut open and now I was having multiple injections in my back. Luckily the surgeon and all the nurses were all so so so nice and calming and really helped throughout the entire process. Honestly, the build-up to it happening was worse than the actual surgery because I was suddenly so terrified.

The surgery itself seemed to last 5 minutes. I had a reaction to the injection so ended up spending the entire time heaving into a tiny little pot Ben was holding under my face (oh so attractive). Luckily one of the quick thinking nurses ran and popped some anti-sickness into my IV so it stopped shortly after I was stitched up. I was told before going in by a friend that it wasn't painful but felt like 'someone washing up inside you' which I kind of laughed off but honestly, it was exactly that. Sammy managed to get his head stuck in my ribs and they were pulling so hard my body was going down the bed but I felt no pain at all. It was so bizarre that I could feel exactly what they were doing with no pain. Like I said it was over so quickly though. Ben ran over to see him as soon as he was out, he wasn't crying because he was lazy and just wanted to sleep, he was absolutely fine though. They then lifted me onto another bed which was one of the weirdest experiences of my life, I was trying to move my legs to help but of course couldn't.

I didn't actually see him until I went into recovery because of the no crying situation, they gave him a Vitamin K injection and blasted him with air to try to wake him up, like I said, he was just being lazy. Obviously, at the time I was pretty panicked and just wanted to meet my baby. Luckily I was warned before that he probably wouldn't cry as most C Section babies don't know they've been born straight away because there isn't the usual fight to escape. I was in recovery for a few hours, I had to stay until I could move slightly. That first move of my right toes was joyous because I could finally go back to my own room, YAY!

After this nothing really of note happened, the usual checks and meeting the family. My recovery was pretty horrible but that is a story for another day. I really hope you've enjoyed this and if you're due to have a planned C Section it has given you a bit more hope of a positive experience and what to actually expect as there was so little I could find online of positive stories.

Byeeeeeeee.

Bex Renshaw. 
Twitter : @bexrenshaw
Instagram : @bex_renshaw
YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com




Wednesday 6 March 2019

Positively Negative.

Well this isn’t a blog post I expected to ever be writing but writing is just the way I deal with emotions. I’ve always done that to be honest, whether I’ve hit public or not. A few years ago I even had a private blog under a different name where I wrote about all the crap things that had happened to me, I suppose to give myself closure on issues I was working through. But that’s not why we are here today, today I want to talk about dealing with loss and grief of something that may never of even existed.

On Monday February 18th I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. I ran in and told Ben, we discussed what would happen with the rooms at home, how I would work, I ordered Sammy a ‘big brother’ top, looked up baby no 2 reveals and even had a search of double buggy’s. I wanted to be prepared. I went to the doctors the next morning to tell them and discuss the next steps. She did a test which came back negative, I was told it was probably just too early and we would do a blood test to be sure. On the Wednesday I got a call to say my blood tests had some back ‘inconclusive’, the ‘normal HCG range’ is 0-5, and pregnant is 25+, mins was 24 so neither, I was told to return the following Monday for a second test. I told a few close friends in this time and told myself the levels would go up and not to worry. The following Tuesday I got a call while I was at work with my results, NEGATIVE. My HCG levels had gone all the way down to 2 so there was definitely no baby. I burst into tears, I was at work with no escape and no one around me that knew. I hadn’t prepared myself for a no, I expected a solid ‘YES YOURE PREGNANT YAY’ but I wasn’t prepared for a negative.

I had spent over a week thinking I was pregnant, for nothing. We have no idea why it happened. If it was a false positive or a miscarriage, there is no real way to know. The doctor said it could be a number of things but there are no tests to find out why my levels were high. I was heartbroken, I wanted to grieve someone that may have never even existed. I felt like my friends wouldn’t understand and I rarely tell my family any of my personal business. Ben is still away so I didn’t even have the comfort of him at home. I went to pick Sam up after work, put him to bed and just cried my heart out at home on my own.

There was a lot I wasn’t prepared for in my first pregnancy, a lot I wish I had known before to prepare for but this I didn’t know could happen. How could it all just be gone with no explanation? Am I even allowed to feel sad when people have it so much worse. I have SO many questions that I just will never have an answer for.

There is no point to this post, I suppose just so others know this can happen and to get everything off my chest. False positives happen. Sometimes your HCG levels can be abnormally high to the point even a blood test can’t if you’re pregnant or not. I want to say there is a moral to the story or even a positive aftermath but there’s not, not everything happens for a reason unfortunately and sometimes we just have to live with that.





Byeeeeeeeeee.

Bex Renshaw. 
Twitter : @bexrenshaw
Instagram : @bex_renshaw
YouTube : www.youtube.com/bexrenshaw
Website : www.bexrenshaw.com